An Ode to My Cats

I think if I could, I would gladly become a crazy cat lady when I get older. I’m one of those people that talks to their cats, believes they have distinct personalities, argues with them, etc. and if it was up to me I would have about 9 more running around. I know, I know, cats aren’t for everyone but for me there are no better or more interesting companions than the three I have now. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I think I owe a considerable debt to my cats, because in a lot of ways they are responsible for my present happiness. Let me explain.

In 2006 I got married and my (now ex) husband swore he hated cats. I’m a huge cat person, so perhaps that should have been a red flag, but I digress. I did manage to convince him not long after the wedding that we should adopt a puppy so three weekends in a row I dragged him out to the Humane Society in Daytona Beach to look at dogs. We had specific ideas about what we wanted, and never seemed to find the right one.

Finally, in frustration on the third weekend, I said I would like to go into the cat room just to cheer myself up a little. My (ex) husband the cat-hater reluctantly followed me inside and started to walk along the kennels looking at each kitten and presumably wishing for hand sanitizer. I was on the other side of the room and glanced over to see why he was no longer with me, only to find him standing by a higher up kennel playing with the kitten inside. This adorable striped little guy had his whole arm sticking out through the kennel bars and my (ex) husband was kind of batting at him with his fingers. I held my breath, and finally he looked at me and quietly said if I really wanted a cat, he was ok with this one. We filled out paperwork and brought Jarlaxle home within the week.

About a year later we noticed Jarlaxle was starting to gain weight and was becoming kind of lethargic. I decided this was an indication he needed a friend, possibly out of my own secret desire to be a cat lady, and so I started petitioning my (ex) husband for another kitten. He was extremely reluctant at first, stating emphatically that all cats are terrible and we were very lucky to find the only one on Earth (Jarlaxle) who was cool. I can be persuasive, though, and so it wasn’t long we were back at the same Humane Society location in Daytona, looking in the cat room.

My (ex) husband was emphatic we get a very young male cat just like Jarlaxle. Now, I read an article not long before this which suggested cats with similar marking and coloring would have similar temperaments so when I saw one particular cat, I knew we had the right one. This cat had almost identical striping to Jarlaxle, and a very similar color as well. The (ex) husband objected at first because this cat happened to be female and just a few months older than we anticipated but after taking her out and holding her for a few minutes, he was sold. The shelter named her Maggie, but we changed it to Artemis and she has been with us since.

The cats each developed incredibly unique personalities and kind of a brother/sister relationship with each other.

Jarlaxle is my mastermind athlete. He can jump almost freakishly high, is very graceful and slender, and is disturbingly intelligent. He knows the words treat, cheese, tuna and milk and responds to each. He will eat literally anything. I caught him chewing a candy wrapper once and when I rushed up to take it from him, he simply swallowed it. He snuggled with me a lot when he was younger but he is much more independent now and we always feel kind of lucky when Jarlaxle comes and wants attention. If, however, he determines he wants something he will not leave you alone until he gets it. If I sleep in at all and he runs out of food in his bowl, he will climb on the headboard of my bed, walk across and jump down onto my pillow next to my head. He repeats this process until I get up to feed him.

Artemis is the opposite of Jarlaxle in almost every way. She is chubby, clumsy, a little dopey, and all affection. If I sit down she is in my lap, and at night she sleeps with me. She either curls up with her chin on my cheek or she will crawl under the covers to sleep between my feet. She loves water and it is hard to keep her out of the sink when you are using the faucet. She doesn’t even mind if you run the water on her head. She also loves mint and when I brush my teeth she climbs up on my chest and tries to stick her face in my mouth. She lets me lay on her like a pillow.

The common ground between the two seemingly opposite cats is that they are both incredibly friendly with everyone. They love to have people pet them and while Jarlaxle has some hesitance with children, they both love and will walk right up to any adult.

Now, life often surprises you and never goes quite the way you expect. The winter of 2009 found me alone, cold in a house with no heat, states away from any friends or family, with no job or money and very little food. Jarlaxle and Artemis were my only companions and they were the only light in my world at that time. It seemed like they knew I was hurting and were always with me in their own unique ways. Artemis would lay in bed with me under my electric blanket with one paw under my neck and the other on top of it, her face pressed against mine, as if she were hugging me. Jarlaxle even snuggled with me then, and when I was moving around the house he followed me like a puppy. They became my truest friends for that winter and I don’t know what I would have done without them.

In the spring my parents helped me move back home and of course I brought my feline companions with me. I was working a lot then, trying to get back on my feet but every time I came home Artemis was waiting for me at the door. They were still my constant bright spot, and all that was left of the family I tried to create for myself, and they continued to help me through in their special ways. I started dating at the end of the year and was home less, but still Artemis met me at the door each night.

In January I met a cat person. I started spending a lot of time with him and his cat, Felix. It took quite a while for Felix to get used to me. He was never mean and never hissed at me, but he would run when I tried to pet him and it seemed the only human he liked is my cat person. I tried a different approach, along the lines of bribery, and after a few cans of wet food and tuna, Felix and I started to develop a relationship. I knew I was “in” the day Felix climbed in my lap instead of that of my cat person when we were watching a movie.

Felix has a very distinct meow. No matter the situation or what is happening he sounds plain angry. It is actually pretty comical to see him getting his back scratched or eating a plate of wet cat food and meow like he is cussing somebody. He definitely likes women more than men, and when my cat person’s best friend would come over Felix would run up and hit him, once even knocking his glasses off his face while he was laying on the sofa. He never did that with anyone else, especially not women, and we could never figure out why.

In late April I made the most spontaneous decision of my life and moved in with my cat person. We read up on cat introduction and came up with a plan of attack in the hopes our three cats would eventually become friends.

Felix was our main concern because he was not yet neutered and because he was used to being an “only cat.” Both of my cats were neutered and spayed, respectively, and after researching the pros and cons we decided to go ahead and have Felix neutered. He did remarkably well with it, though my cat person was convinced Felix would never forgive him.

After allowing Felix some time to heal, we started bringing my things over to the house, particularly things that smelled most like Artemis and Jarlaxle. Felix seemed to do well with that and so at last we brought the cats to their new home.

In the interest of a slow introduction, I first brought Artemis and Jarlaxle into the master bedroom and closed the door with the three of us inside and Felix and my cat person outside. Artemis and Jarlaxle had a lot of exploring to do with just that space, since the bedroom is large and has an adjoining bathroom. It was another couple of days before we let them meet Felix, and relations were not friendly, but not in the way we expected.

Jarlaxle was the most aggressive, hissing and swatting at both of the other two. Artemis was defensive, and didn’t want either of them approaching her but would not attack otherwise. Felix had a surprisingly laid back demeanor, and seemed to just want to check out the others, and perhaps be friends. He never hissed, not once.

After several weeks and a lot of mediating, things started to calm down. Jarlaxle and Felix were tolerating each other, and Artemis and Felix started to develop a kind of relationship. While their closeness provoked some initial jealousy from Jarlaxle, ultimately today things are settled down. Jarlaxle is back to his independent mastermind self, Artemis is still my lovable shadow and Felix is still my cat person’s baby but he and I get along quite well. Artemis and Felix seem to have a full blown crush on each other, and I often find them sleeping together, grooming each other and even spooning.

Last night I sat on the couch watching a movie with my cat person, Artemis asleep in my lap and Felix asleep in his, Jarlaxle snoozing on the other couch. I realized that for me this is happiness and this is exactly where I need to be: cuddling and giving back to the feline friends that have given me so much joy, and in a comfortable and happy relationship with a man as crazy about cats as me.